


san diego (iwaoi)

by pastelhajime



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Sad, future!iwaoi, really sad ngl, run while you can
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 21:19:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7657141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelhajime/pseuds/pastelhajime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"i never needed to hear,<br/>all of the pain and the fear.<br/>your secrets filled up my ears,<br/>like the ocean blue.<br/>i never wanted to know,<br/>how deep these cuts on you go.<br/>and like a river they flow,<br/>to the ocean blue."</p>
<p>— san diego, blink-182, california (2016)</p>
            </blockquote>





	san diego (iwaoi)

**Author's Note:**

> hello! ok so this is my first fic on here so bare with me sigh 
> 
> anyway i was listening to california (the album) by blink-182, while riding this, with the song 'san diego' in particular. i recommend listening to it while reading but idk it's up to y'all
> 
> oh and i dedicate this to amara i hope you cry lol

the night was cold, and he could hear the wind howling. draped in an old flannel blanket along with a warm mug of cocoa held in both hands, he was standing in his balcony, letting the breeze sweep brown locks of hair across his face. his fingers were trembling, but he made no attempt to steady them.

and if you looked into his eyes, they'd give everything away. they were big and brown, and when he wasn't smiling, they consumed his entire face. they were also incredibly easy to read, his eyes, and now you could see that he was deep in thought, a frown plastered on his forehead. but he wasn't angry, no; the way he frowned made it seem that was how his face felt most comfortable, and his eyes were still and calm, like the quiet before the storm.

a soft sigh escaped his lips, and he watched it take shape that cold night. it hovered before him, a ghost, haunting him, and then it was gone too soon, invisible to world, and the night was as it was before. he gripped the cocoa tight, his fingers and knuckles turning white. it was almost as if he expected the ceramic of the mug to shatter, and for the drink to replace the blood in his veins, creating an illusion of body heat even if it was just for a while. instead, the cocoa remained in the cup, as still as the buildings before his eyes.

he loved those buildings that made up the skyline, he really did. he loved the way they stood, poignant and bold, unhurt by even the worst of storms. he loved the way they looked so full of life, the blinking lights bursting at the seams, despite being made of cold, hard stone. he loved how they looked so close, how they made him feel as if he could just reach out and touch them.

but most of all, he loved how one of them sheltered iwaizumi.

he didn't know which one, he didn't know which floor,—hell, he didn't even know if the other boy still lived in the country. but the idea of it never left him, the possibility of being so close, an angel amongst the surreal skyline, the possibility of being close enough to touch.

if he closed his eyes now, he really felt like he could do it. yes, the warmth was in him again, close to devouring him, but too cowardly to actually do so. he took a hand off the mug, his fingers still trembling like autumn leaves on dying trees, and stretched it out in front of him. he lifted on finger,—the index—and took a step closer to the edge, the wind screaming at him. it was as if it was warning him, predicting the sharp intake of air that came after the bone-crushing disappointment of being so close, but not close enough, even to brush a feather on the angel's wings.

yet, when the weight fell on his shoulders, it came as a surprise to him anyway. he fell to his knees, as if he were begging the gods to let him through. but he knew, deep down, why he couldn't get to iwaizumi; he had known all along.

he was broken. he was like a sidewalk, walked all over, full of cracks and holes, worth practically nothing. he was built so that his existence benefitted others, but none ever really benefitted him. and people like him, they didn't last with people like iwaizumi. because people like iwaizumi, they were the closest thing to perfection the world had ever seen. and before you knew it's the weight of the colossal realisation would finally demolish the sidewalk, turning it into nothing but rubble and dust and stone.

he let the truth hit him full-on. he let every inch scream back at him, let every part of it remind him how iwaizumi slipped through his fingers; how he blindly let iwaizumi slip through his fingers. and with the dawning truth came the tears, like an endless waterfall that tried, with all its might, to dull the flames of hell.

he tried to scream, but his voice had disappeared, along with all the comfort and safety the skyline had ever given him. the seconds felt like hours, the minutes years; he couldn't ever remember a time when he was quietly sipping cocoa, watching the stars. the cocoa was spilled on the cool tiles now, spreading its warmth into his house plants instead of him.

but even though all was lost, even though the world was clearly mourning the separation of him and iwaizumi, there was one last bit of goodness, one last bit of iwaizumi that kept him sane. it was a voicemail, from couple of months ago.

"hey," it began, and he mouthed along; he knew it by heart.

"it's been a while, hasn't it? or at least it seems like it; i've never really been away from you for so long.

"i called because, well, i wanted to hear your voice once more before i finally let go. once more before i revoke my hand, once more before i watch you fall into a black pit of sadness, powerless to stop you.

"i've loved you, i think, all my life. i loved you because you were all i knew. you were what i came to, every day, no matter what.

"but then i grew up, and realised that my love for you was fading. that i never yearned to bear near you like i used to. i found my home in other people and other places. people and places that weren't you.

"and i suppose i always will love you, because you were my first love. but i know for a fact, that i don't love you like i used to. and, for some reason, that doesn't bother me like i thought it would.

"i really wish i could tell you this directly, and not to a machine, but maybe it's for the best. i probably would've caved in if i heard your voice.

"so, uh, bye, i guess. it's been nice loving you."

the voicemail ended then, along with the wind. even the gods didn't have it in them to torment him, it seemed. iwaizumi's voice had done enough damage.

he had been at a nightclub with his friends that night when iwaizumi left the voicemail. he could point it out right now—just past the flower shop by the corner, and right next to the gym. but you couldn't pay him to ever go step foot in it again.

and if you looked into oikawa's eyes then, you would've known everything.

**Author's Note:**

> i feel so empty i'm so sorry


End file.
